Lean and Green

Yes, We're Still Alive

2012-01-24T02:41:00.000-08:00

Not that anybody is still here, but I do love looking back.

Welcome Back.

2011-10-11T06:24:00.000-07:00

Getting caught up in pictures.......sorry for the absence. THese pictures are from August, September and October.

Our Angel

2011-07-18T11:28:00.000-07:00

I guess this really starts over the past few months. David stops going to church because they have all sold out (in his opinion-I've tried talking to him, but he doesn't believe what I have to say about it) because of their tax exempt status. According to him, churches had to agree to certain immoral things to get that status. NOt true, but beside the point for now. In addition to his feelings about the tax exempt status, he is constantly on the look out for the "truth" and "proof" that a church is bad.

What he's has grabbed onto recently is concerning what the "Sabbath" is. I have explained to him that although God did set a specific day of the week apart as the Sabbath in the Old Testament, in the New Testament it was basically abolished. (There is a lot more-A LOT- more to this discussion, but all you need to know for now is the discussion that David and I have been going back and forth about.) He insists that the Sabbath is a Saturday and any church not meeting on a Saturday is not a valid church. I tell him that Jesus actually was more interested in the purpose of a Sabbath......setting time aside each week to be with God and other things that build up your faith and bring you closer to God.

We were talking about this as recently as the Sunday that we were on vacation. (We just got back last Saturday-the 16th).

So last night, we get into the Camry and head to his parents house. At a stop light in our town, David says he smells oil, but neither of us think anything else about it. As we leave our small town headed for Corpus where his parents live, smoke starts coming out from under the hood. He pulls over as safely and fast as possible, and opens the hood to find oil spraying up out of the radiator. We aren't going anywhere now.

As we sit in the sun in the car, the kids start to heat up and I begin to get worried it's very close to 100 degrees outside. It doesn't take long for kids to overheat and need medical help.

We call his parents and his dad agrees to come pick us all up. Meanwhile a dark blue Dodge pick up stops in front of us. A man gets out and talks to David. I can't hear what they are saying, I am with the kids and David and the man are standing outside talking.

David comes back and says the man is going to take the kids and I home, and when David's dad comes, the both of them will tow the Camry back.

As we get the kids secure in the Dodge, the man tells David that he would be more comfortable if David came too. (I mean duh. We were both so distracted that we completely forget about some basic safety rules.) So David calls his dad to tell him of the change in plans.)

As we pull away from the car, the man turns on Air1 radio....a CHristian station. I tell him that we listen to that station. (At this point I don't tell him that the 'we' is the boys and i, not David. Even when I later ask him where he lives and when he says "Portland" and say that 'we' go to church there.)

So we are chatting about radio stations, church, and the mens work. See, the stranger has on a uniform for a plant just down the road, which leads them to discuss shift work.

"What I am really struggling with right now," the stranger says, "is that with this line of work I don't get to go to church every Sunday." This was actually a major issue with David (and probably still is...I don't think the whole 'tax exempt sell out' business is legitimately what is keeping David from church. I don't know what really is, but I don't think it is that.)

Joshua starts crying, and I can't really hear how it comes up, but suddenly they are talking about the sabbath, and what it really means. I do know that it was the stranger who brought it up.

The stranger goes on to ask David, in a teacher/student questioning about what does the Bible say about the Sabbath

(David: "to keep it holy"
Stranger: And what does it mean to keep it Holy?
David: Well, to read the Bible and be close to God'
stranger: but do you only read scripture on Sunday?
David, thinks about it and says "no"
stranger: so that can't be all it means to keep it holy

Through this conversation the Stranger ends up saying about how the Sabbath is for spending time with your family. (Kids screaming in the backseat interfered with me hearing the whole conversation.)

The stranger tells David about a bible study at his house every other Tuesday night and how his wife (who homeschools their kids) wants to start one up for women.

How perfect is it that this man works the same type of job as David, and his wife homeschools, which is something that David and I (for now) are heading toward doing with our kids.

Two people that both David and I can relate to.

Also, through the last few weeks when I have been so down and stressed out, I have felt like GOd has given me the song "Strong Enough" by Matthew West. Guess what song was on Air1 during our ride? Yep. The song about having to do it alone, but not really doing it alone.

There's more, but unfortunately I am already forgetting some of the little details. I am going to keep thinking about it and as I remember, come back and add them to the story.

Boys Will Be Boys

2011-06-20T06:34:00.000-07:00

I am entering the I Heart Faces contest for the first time in quite a while. I am just not that great a photographer, and my editing skill need a lot of work. But I still follow the contest, and since I have two boys, I figured that I might as well share one of my new favorite pics of my 5 month-old in his big brother's Tonka truck.

There are a ton more boys pics over at I heart faces, so head on over there to check them out.

There is No Love Sincerer....Jakob edition

2011-06-01T17:46:00.000-07:00

Top Ten things to Remember About May 2011

2011-06-01T10:11:00.000-07:00

1.We started May in Abilene for Faithworks' graduation. We went there for Easter and ended up staying for two weeks.

2. Jakob's love for balls got focused into baseball/teeball. He would spend HOURS in the frontyard hitting balls off of the tee over and over and over again.

3. Jakob and Josh both love baths. Jakob prefers bathing with Joshua. Joshua may appreciate it more when he can sit up and doesn;t get surprised by splashes as often.

4. Joshua ( finally, finally, finally) started being content playing somewhere that isn't in the wrap. I say finally like that, but really, I love him in the wrap. I wear him at least once a day. He takes most of his naps in it.

5. Josh started food a day before he turned five months (May 30). We started with Avocado. Jakob's first food that wasn't cereal was avocado. He still doesn't like it. I am mixing Joshua's avocado half and half breast milk and avocado in an attempt to get him to love it. I love avocado and really want my boys to like it too.

6. We are using cloth diapers full time now. Haven't used disposables even once in May. I quit with them right at the end of April.

7. Jakob keeps getting more and more outgoing. He is such a confident, happy little boy. He says, "Hi. I'm Jakob." to everyone he sees, no matter where we are, if we've ever seen them before, or if we'll ever see them again. I've seen him get grins out of the roughest, toughest tattoed men. We've only had one rough encounter and that was probably more because Jakob had brought his cap gun in to the store with us and shot with it at one particularly muscled tattoed man, calling him the bad guy. That didn't go over well. We made our purchases and left quickly. Note to self: pretend guns, no matter how plastic and bright orange, need to stay in the house.

8. Something else that we are almost completely finished with is acid reflux. I hardly EVER give Josh his medicine anymore.

9. My sister told me a secret that I am not allowed to tell anyone. It's big, too. The rest of y'all will just have to wait.

10. I love my life. It's not easy, but it's fun. Staying home with my kids and taking care of them and David is what I have always wanted to do. I'm thankful to God and David for allowing me the privilege of doing it.

Bonus: Josh isn't even close to rolling over. And I love it.

There Is No Love Sincerer.........

2011-05-30T10:43:00.000-07:00

....than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw

And we followed Joshua's love of food this morning. This morning as I ate my lunch, turkey and mushed avocado on gluten free crackers, Joshua sat in his chair grunting and whining. So I took him out of his chair and sat him in my lap, and what did that boy do?

Lunged. For my plate. So guess what time it is?

I got up, warmed some breastmilk from the freezer, and made Joshua some food.
I had been wanting to wait until he turned six months old on June 30, but I can't see making him wait just because I am not ready. I gave him the first bite, and he grinned and looked so proud of himself. It was just what he wanted. I'm glad I did not wait. He ate about 2 teaspoons of the avocado/breastmilk mix, nursed for just a few minutes and passed out.

And in honor of Memorial Day:

(You are free to laugh at Jakob in his winter clothes in 90 something degree heat. He is his own boy. And that's the way we love him.)

Just Like Me

2011-05-27T14:35:00.000-07:00

Many of you don't know that my parents are divorced. Or that my mom got remarried after I graduated from high school. Or that the man she married had adopted an (PC African American but really we all just say) black girl with his first wife.

My step (really we don't use that word 'step') sister now has three boys with her husband, and I of course have Jakob and Josh. Jamie has an almost nine-year-old named Jamyl, a five-year-old named Jaylen, and a three-year-old named Jamyson (who we all just call JD).

I know that questions are going to come up as to why Jamie and her boys look different than us, and I am prepared to answer those questions as they come.

But it warms my heart to know that, for now, Jakob doesn't see that difference. ANd when he does, I know it won't change anything.

Yesterday, Jakob found an old picture of Jamyl when he was about 5. He looked at it for awhile, and turned it around and said, "Who is this?" I answered him, even though I think he knew who it was.

"That's Jamyl"

"Oh", he said. "He's brown."

This made me pause, look up at him and think about what my response should be.

In the silence, Jakob turned the picture around, held it up to his chest so that I could see Jamyl and him at one time.

His next sentence told me I didn't need to respond at all:

"Just like me."

I.Am.So.Tired.

2011-05-02T08:29:00.000-07:00

And that's why I have totally bombed as a blogger. So much has been going on (not sleep, of course, but other stuff i don't want to forget.) The newest prince in our family does not need beauty sleep, apparently, or at least not a lot of it in a row.

He just turned four months old, and he is still eating about every 2-and-a-half hours around the clock. Not that I mind. I really don't. Nursing is one of my favorite things I have ever done. It's a guaranteed time to just SIT and be with Joshua. It's a guaranteed time to NOT have to be cleaning, doing laundry, etc. Although it is NOT a guaranteed time that I don't have to answer "What time is it?" from the older prince.

It's doesn't mean that I hate it or even dislike it.....but it does mean that I don't have much time for any extracurricular activities, like blogging. And showering.

Anyway.

Here are some recent pictures, so that maybe when I look back on them I can remember what's been going on.....since I don't really have time right now to type it all out.....

Happy Easter

2011-04-25T15:58:00.001-07:00

Great Nurses

2011-02-21T14:03:00.000-08:00

Joshua was in the NICU and had been there since he was born. He was doing great. Except on Monday Dr Prado was doing his rounds, and said that since Joshua's bilirubin levels were at a 9.9, that he needed to stay in the NICU for another day with double light therapy. BUT if the levels dropped to below 8 the next day, we could go home. I was so disappointed, but at least we had a definite, concrete number to overcome. Well, the next day, they were at a 7.6, so Joshua's sweet nurse, Jessica, started getting him ready to get ready to go home. I startred the CPR video, we talked about his car seat test, among other things.

But then Dr Prado comes in to do his rounds, and Jessica comes to tell me that Dr Prado is going to keep him another day. I start to cry. If only our hopes hadn't gotten built up, it wouldn't be so difficult to take another day in the NICU. Joshua's nurse, Stacey, that he had in the first NICU (he got switched from the teeny baby NICU to the more stable baby NICU when some 31 week twins were born)walked by at that moment, and I told her what was going on, and she told me to talk to Dr Prado when he comes to do the run down of rounds with me. So I do, and when I remind him of what he said the day before, he says, "OH yeah, I DID say that. Ok, I guess he can go home."

And just like that, I finish the CPR video and Joshua does his car seat test. And we go home.

What I'll remember the most, is that when I walked into the NICU after talking to Dr Prado (he had already gone and changed the orders to say we could go home) and Stacey was standing there and she smiled at me so big and practically ran to me and gave me the biggest hug. I LOVE those nurses in the NICU. I have to say one thing about them. They treat their patients like they are family. They fight for them, when they are able to do so, and treat the babies so well. I saw nurses reading books to the babies. singing to them, and just cooing over them when anything special happened.

When the results from Joshua's and another babies' spinal tap came back negative for infection (meningitis) the nurse practitioner actually said, "Yes!" rather loudly and pumped her arm up and down.

What I'll remember second, is how in congratulatory the nurses were of me.One even asked if I used some kung fu action. Apparently Dr Prado doesn't do that often. More than anything it made me feel good, because I have been raised to respect authority to the point that whatever they say goes, so to talk to Dr Prado, even with respect, about the discrepancy, was out of character for me, and a great step into being an active advocate for my family.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

2011-01-28T16:44:00.001-08:00

I just wanted to write out some things that Jakob has said or done that I don't want to forget. (In other words, you may want to move to the next blog on your blogroll.)

~One night, Jakob goes out the front door by himself. Luckily, I was right there. I called him back in, he looked up at me and said "Woah, it's dark out there. It's outer space."

~He likes to use this calculator that my father-in-law gave him as a phone. One day he was pretending to talk to my mom, and he called her saying, "Hi, Nana, sorry I missed your call."

~He has a set of plastic bugs that my mom gave him, and one night when a fly from that set got swept out from under the tv where it had apparently been for awhile, Jakob was scared of it. I told him it was pretend, but it still took him awhile to believe me. He finally looked up at me and said, "It's atend (pretend). It can't bar (bother)us."

~Lately, instead of just saying "Give me a hug." or "Give me five", he has been adding the word 'man', so now he comes up to you and says, "Give me a hug, man."

~Instead of 'can't' he says 'tan't'. And until recently, instead of 'find', he would say 'found'. So he would say, "I tan't found it."

~In his pretend play, or 'routine' conversations he has with you he'll ask, "Did you have a good time?" (I frequently ask him this when I pick him up from class at church.)

~He looooooves coffee. And begs for it when David makes some. My mom heats up chocolate milk, and gives it to him for his coffee, and he seems to be ok with this.

~Today he told me that Joshua was his favorite new brother, and that he was 'too tiny.'

~He loves to tell people that his birthday is "March da tird." (March the Third.") And he recently told me that he was going to have drums at his party (Well, of course. That's what you have when you're birthday is in March.)

"His" song on Air 1 is Press Play 'Everybody Move' (It might actually be called New York to LA.....I'm not sure. He gets up and dances when it comes on.

Wordless Wednesday Tuesday

2011-01-25T15:32:00.000-08:00

Joshua's Birth Story

2011-01-12T12:30:00.000-08:00

On Thursday the 30th, I had my ob appointment with a dr in the group with my regular ob. (We rotate near the end to met other drs in case ours is not on call when we go into labor.) She did the usual questions about pain/pressure/contractions, which I had been having off and on. Sometimes four an hour, but usually subsiding after an hour, so I never went in. She gives me directions that if it even happens once, go ahead and come in. I say ok, and leave the appointment with my 2-year-old ds to go run some errands before my dh meets me for a 'date night' for his birthday which was on the 26th of December.

I drop ds off at DH's parents' house, and we go out to eat. In the middle of dinner, I start contracting like crazy. I start counting, and after an hour, I have had ten. So, like any sane person does, I finish dinner (grilled shrimp and twice baked potatoes), thinking that I was only 34 weeks and at the most, they would give me a shot-if the contrax didn't stop on their own- and then go home. So I send dh home-he has to work tomorrow-and arrange for ds to spend the night at the in laws. I tell them I will come pick Jakob up in the morning, since it is already late.

Well, I get to l and d and the contrax are coming every 3-4 minutes and lasting a minute each. They check me and I have gone from 0 to 1 dilation. So I get admitted overnight. I think it's fine. They are just being cautious.

The morning nurse comes in and states that it looks like my contrax have ceased, but when she checks the monitor, it turns out that it just slid up, and not only are they still coming, I am now dilated between a 3 and a 4. So I just bought more time at the hospital.

She comes back with breakfast and I make a comment about the liquid that is coming out, could it be my water, or did I just pee myself. She checks and it comes back negative for water even though she swears it looks just like amniotic fluid. This same thing happens twice more. Then once after using the restroom, it drips down my leg and she grabs the paper to test and oulia. it turns blue. I have just been moved up to the 'in labor' status.

The doc starts pitocin after I had been at a 5 for over an hour. I continue to stay at a 5 for three hours, even with pitocin and stronger contractions. I finally move to a 6, and stall there for two hours or so. The doc comes in to 'finish' breaking my water-even though any exams are excruciatingly painful, I ask her to do this in hopes that it pushes me to a 10.

No such luck. After she breaks my water, the contractions that feel like I am wearing a belt of knives sticking into my side and turning simultaneously begin. They are coming every minute. I make it (with a lot of help from my nurse and my husband) through an hour and half of those contractions, then finally get the guts up to ask her to check me. Hopefuly I am past the 6, and that will be the encouragement I need to hold out longer.

Nope. I am still at a 6. I get an epidural. (It takes about 30 minutes for me to actually get it.)

Ahhhhhhhh. Heaven. Thirty minutes later, I am at a 10 and Joshua David Green is born. (It won't let me unbold that statement...not sure why.)

The scary part was right when it was time to push and my blood pressure bottomed out....the bottom number was 33. I lost a ton of blood so people were pretty worried. I think Josh's heart deceled, too, because I had to be rolled from one side to another and was given an oxygen mask. It took quite a while for my blood pressure to come back up. (I was in a lot of pain so I am kind of fuzzy on details, but when I got the epidural, I think THAT is when my blood pressure dropped. The anesthesiologist had to give me a shot or two, and that's when the oxygen was put on me. After I had Josh and he was taken away to the NICU, I tried just sitting up and fell over in the bed....I had to lay down for a while.)

He spent 4 and a half days in the NICU, and then he comes home to be with us.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2010-11-10T16:57:00.000-08:00

Don't you love getting those photo Christmas cards? It's honestly one of my favorite things about Christmas. We actually keep ours out all year, then compare them to the new ones that come each year.

That's one reason I love Shutterfly. They have so many different photo cards for Christmas, I really don't know how I am going to pick just one. Look at this one for instance:

Such a classic look to it. You can find more Christmas photo cards here: Christmas Cards

You should also check out there selection of desk calendars.

And for those of ~~you~~ us who need a little more time.....

That's right, they also have a great selection of New Year's Cards.

As for me, I don't know if I can choose just one.....

I love this one:

And how about this one with our G on it? (Don't you love monograms?)

Yep, I think that is the perfect one for us.

Now here's the good new for you:

Bloggers get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly… sign up: click here

That's right, if you have a blog (and who doesn't these days) YOU can get 50 free holiday cards from Shutterfly. Doesn't that just put you in the Christmas spirit?

Check It Out, Mommy.

2010-11-09T17:43:00.000-08:00

Those words have been coming to Jakob's lips more and more these days. When he wants to show me something, "Check it out, Mommy."

And now, I pass it on to you:

Check it out, Readers. Shutterfly is giving away 50 free holiday photo cards to bloggers. So click the link, and get started.

Oh, and just cause, here's a (alright, alright a FEW)cutie picture(s) of the little man, himself:

Advocare

2010-10-12T10:02:00.000-07:00

Well, I found out that Kiah, the baby I watch will only be here for about two more weeks. So I need some supplemental income from now until February.

Two months ago or so, one of my friend's on facebook sent me this message about hos she was starting to work for a company called Advocare. It sells supplements to help with lack of energy, weight loss, and core strength. (There is so much more than just these. Check out this, this, and this.

Well, it is normally not my thing, really to sell this kind of thing, but I couldn't get it out of my head.

It turns out that this company was started by a Christian and values family values above all things.

After praying and doing some research, I decided, with David's help, to sign up to be a distributor.

So now, even though it feels a little weird, I am going to put info on here about it.

The top selling item is their energy drinks: Slam, and Spark.

After that, there is this awesome, cleanse that bundles products together into a 24 day challenge.

If God places it on your heart to check these things out, then I would be so grateful. If the items I listed don't really fit your needs, but you want to know more, feel free to leave me a comment or contact me by email. I will gladly answer any question you have.

And, as always, we appreciate your prayers.

Wow. Craziness.

2010-10-06T16:09:00.001-07:00

You will never believe the conversation I had with David last weekend. I didn't even realize how amazing it was until I just now came here to check my blog roll to see if anybody had posted anything new for me to read.

David-himself-without ANY prompting, we weren't even talking about it- said that he wants to pay my truck off, and one other debt we have with our next 'extra' money, so that (are you sitting down) I don't have to work. Well, our next extra money is in February. Perfect!!

What an answered prayer. As soon as he said it, I felt this weight being released, but then, when you add in that I have been praying about it and that I wrote about it last time, wow. I mean, really, wow.

This is so awesome.

On a completely different topic, someone gave us the LoveDare book and so I have been working on it. I started it on Sunday and I am STILL on day 2. I used to think I was good at this love business but now it's obvious.

I suck.

I thought I did random acts of kindness all the time. But I am beginning to realize that what I consider random acts of kindness....are just things I should be doing anyway. So now what? I am on my second day of day 2, and I am stuck. I can't think of anything.

Drat.

Maybe I am making it too hard. I mean. If it was just me making dinner tonight, I would have just done broccoli,cheese, baked potatoes, but I know he needs meat (he is a man after all) and so the steaks are just for him. Can that count?

Or.

When he went to lay down in our room and watch tv by himself, I did NOT gripe at him, or even ask him to stay out here with us (even though that is what I REALLY wanted.) So, can THAT count?

Neither one of those things seems good enough. This is why I am stuck.

Someone. Anyone. HELP!! Or I will be on day 2 forever.

UPDATE: My mom (who is still the boss and is doing the book with me) said the steaks count. So.....ON TO DAY THREE. I'll let you know how it goes.

Sorry.......

2010-08-21T13:41:00.000-07:00

So, even though I am fifteen weeks pregnant, and out of a job (basically) I feel like I have nothing to say. Plus, I am without a ~~camera~~ right arm right now so I really feel at a loss as to what even to put here. Hopefully that will be resolved around October.

Anyway, things are going great with the baby. Things in one other area are not going great though.

In June with three days notice-even though I had saved a spot for their son for TEN MONTHS-Madison's parents pulled her out to be watched by her grandmother. We were ok at first, but things are getting pretty dire now.

Remember how when I was asking God about either getting pregnant or not getting pregnant, He said He was waiting until I could 'have what I want'? Well, I am beginning to think that the 'what I want' is to stay at home and NOT watch kids.

The question is...HOW?

Am I going to need to find another way to make money?

Is David going to get a raise?

Is David going to sell the boat...or are we going to make other adjustments?

When I was pregnant in February, Kiah (the baby I still have right now) was supposed to go to her toddler day care in November. I was due October 31.

Then I miscarried.

Then I got pregnant again. Kiah's mom informs me that she needs to stay in my care-the other day care doesn't have a spot-until January. I'm due February 7.

I have been searching and ~~begging~~ searching for more kids to watch. None have come up. And honestly, my heart just isn't in it anymore.

Don't all these things seem like God is closing the door on watching kids?

The thing is we need the paycheck right now.

On a different note, through this time, David and I have begun handling our finances in a way that I am more comfortable with. So I am excited about that.

Also, in the past through a time like this, David's stress and anxiety would overwhelm him to the point that he was NOT a person you could be around. He would blame me. Call me lazy. Say that if it were him without a job he would..(fill in the blank).

But this time, he has not really done that. We are still really close, and even though things are fixing to get really bad, we are still loving each other. So that is good too.

I have one lead on some kids to watch, and if this doesn't pan out, it's going to get stressful around here.

So maybe y'all could pray for our eyes to be opened to what God's plan for us is, and also pray for some peace until His plan can be realized.

Thanks for being patient.....

Yes, I Am Still Alive

2010-07-21T10:50:00.001-07:00

I know my many readers are dying to know why I haven't blogged in like a month. I can tell from all the comments to that affect. Ahem.

So, anyway. We went on vacation to Bayfield, Colorado with my parents, and my sister, her husband and his kids. Here are some photo from that week:

Big Brother 'Do

2010-07-17T18:40:00.001-07:00

Look who's proud of his new hair cut.....

Sono Today

2010-06-23T19:28:00.000-07:00

Well, it's good news.....we measured right on with the original date.....YES. So I am seven weeks and two days. Due February 7th. And there is only one, which really is so much better considering how much I do by myself.

Thanks for all of the prayers.

Something Uplifting

2010-06-20T16:48:00.001-07:00

And not pregnancy or fertility related......

Fun with the water hose:

A visual of why I am so tired all of the time:

Update.

2010-06-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

Well, I had my intake appointment with my ob, and it went well. She said my previous progesterone level was so high they had to send it off, and that she hadn't seen one that high in a very long time.

Then I went to the ultrasound. We were checking for fetal heart tones since I was 6w and 1 day. The baby is measuring at 5 w and 3d, and so there wasn't a heartbeat. I am scheduled to go back in on the 23rd to check again.

I am really trying to be optimistic. There IS a sac and a fetal pole, which is more than was there last time. Also, I am not bleeding or cramping (it's hard not to add 'yet'.) And Dr Stafford said my uterus is the right size and my cervix is closed.

Also, I was on Clomid, and I have heard of numerous case of women ovulating late on Clomid. And it was my first round of Clomid, so we don't really know WHEN I ovulated.

My dates could just be off.....(Well, in my defense, they aren't MY dates. The date that I have-my lmp, is dead on, how do I miss that? But who knows when I ovulated?)

Y'all, please pray for my peace and that there is a heartbeat on Wednesday.

Thanks.

What I Wanted

2010-06-04T15:38:00.001-07:00

Some of you who have been reading for awhile know that I got pregnant in February, but lost the pregnancy at 6 weeks. At that time, I had prayed to God about my struggle with wanting to have another child and the fact that we just weren't getting pregnant. God told me (it seems to me) that He was waiting for me to get pregnant until I could "have what I want." Those were the words that came to me at that time.

Now I'm human. I want a lot. Ha.

I want to have 3 kids, I want twins, and I want to stay at home and not work. (I stay at home now, but I watch kids, so it's really not the same.)

But, what came into my mind was that I have always wanted twins. I've always been fascinated with multiples. I have nannied for 3 or 4 sets of twins. And babysat for 3 or 4 different pairs of twins. I was a private nursery attendant at church for some triplets.

So fast forward a month or so, and after some blood work comes back, it turns out I am not ovulating. So I start on Clomid.

Well, guess what. It worked. I go for my first appointment on June the 14th. And when the nurse called me to tell me my progesterone numbers (I had blood work done after my first round of Clomid to see if it did make me ovulate.) my level was 60.9. Woh.

That is pretty high and when I researched average levels, it turns out that high progesterone levels usually mean that more than one egg was released......so we shall see.

Since we did have the miscarriage in March, we haven't told anyone that we are expecting again. So, shhhhhhh. It's kind of a secret. (Ha.)

Embrace the Camera: Day 3

2010-05-28T16:28:00.001-07:00

As you can probably tell, almost all of my pics this week were taken by me holding the camera out. I spend most of my days with just me, Jakob, and the two kids I watch in my house.

And when my husband is around (lately anyway) he's grumpy. And does NOT want to take my picture.....so this is what we get.......

But I'll take it!!! Look at that boy lovin' his momma.

Embrace the Camera Day 2

2010-05-27T13:53:00.001-07:00

Embrace The Camera

2010-05-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

Photo One:

Sanctus Real - Lead Me (Slideshow With Lyrics)

2010-05-26T11:48:00.000-07:00

I just had to share this song by Sanctus Real that I have fallen in love with. It talks about the pressure of being a true man and father of God. It is written by one, and so you get to see, what a great responsibility being the head of a house is. It's not all about bringing home the bacon.

Hey Moms!! Embrace the Camera

2010-05-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

I'm a follower of the adorable Buggie & Jellybean blog (you should be too); her blog, her kids, and her etsy shop are all fabulous-- and this week, she's participating in the greatest challenge! I missed reading about it yesterday, but I really want to join in the fun and couldn't agree more with the originator of the challenge... the adorable Emily Anderson, super-mom to four precious tots. Below in italics are her exact words from her blog post about the challenge. I am not taking any credit whatsoever for this awesome idea... but am wanting to participate in her "Embrace the Camera" challenge and am hoping my readers will play along and link up! As I said, I am already two days late on the challenge... so read what Emily had to say on the subject, then keep on readin' to see what I'm proposing!

do you have pictures of yourself, with your little people?

in this day and age of the "momarazzi", many of us are always behind the lens...rather in front of it.

some of you feel much more comfy behind the lens, and i get that.

look, you think i want pictures of myself in the same velour jogging suit for the 3rd day in a row {i slept in that jogging suit each night too---i know, gross, right?}

well, i don't really want those pictures...but my kids do---or, at least they will one day.

how many of you LOVE looking at pictures of your parents, when they were young{er}?

i'm raising my hand!

sadly, i don't have a lot of pictures with me and my mom from when i was younger.

i am off to change this for my kids.

i want them to have an abundance of pictures...to remind them of these days that we spent at home together.

the days may seem to drag...but honestly, the years fly.

is my son really about to graduate...from kindergarten?

wasn't it yesterday that i was wiping his diapered bottom? and now i am wiping his pee up from all around the toilet. embrace the pee.

and embrace the camera.

all next week (monday thru friday) i am going to take a picture of me with my kids. maybe with 1 kid...maybe all of them. more than likely with whomever wants to cooperate.

will you join me?

we will call it the {embrace the camera} challenge.

get out your self-timer camera.

give your $1,000 camera to your 3 year old {yikes!} to capture the shot.

hit the button and run and jump into the photo.

hold the camera out in front of you and your munchkin.

take a shot in the mirror.

whatever you need to do, to capture yourself with the little people.

**Extra side note....I copied the whole article above from Sweet T Family. I think every thing is ok in it. I read it three times but I am not getting much sleep these days, so if something's off, I am sorry.**

O, B, and E

2010-05-24T19:32:00.000-07:00

Jakob actually knows about 7 or 8 more letters than this, but he can''t say them. If I show him a keyboard and say, "Where's the L (I, T, A, and a few more)?" he will point to them.

Pretty cool, huh? Especially since the only letters I have told him about are the ones in his name.

Mellow Yellow

2010-05-24T12:04:00.001-07:00

It's yellow week over at iheartfaces. I went through all of the pic I had already taken, and found one that I liked. Jakob was learning to eat from a spoon, and still had some work to do on it....as is witnessed in the picture.

I hope you enjoy this, but even if you don't head on over to the iheartfaces website to see some other bright cheery yellow pics.

O Me of Little Faith Review

2010-05-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, so back in the third week of April I received my free advanced copy of Jason Boyett's O Me of Little Faith for the strict purpose of reading it and writing a review because ~~I have such profound thoughts~~ he had some extra books expressly for that purpose.

So I set out to reading it and got stuck in the first chapter where he talks about doubting that God works on a personal level in people's lives.

"I've heard someone tell a friend, 'I woke up in the middle of the night and thought of you, and it was definitely the Holy Spirit wanting me to pray for you right then and there.' I've heard a middle-aged woman say, 'It was totally a God thing that my flight go canceled, because I got to share my faith with the lady next to me. Talk about a divine appointment." (p 28 First paragraph)

He talks about this in a way that makes it seem that he doubts that those things happen for people. He does say, "That people talk this way is not what bothers me. The problem is that I can't describe my own faith that way." (p 29 First paragraph)

Unfortunately for me, he spends so much time and energy making points against this happening that I have a hard time believing that statement is true. I get the feel that he doesn't feel that the problem is him. That the problem is really other people who make these claims.

Stating, 'why does God need me to pray for something so badly that he has to wake me up anyway?' and 'If my flight gets canceled, perhaps it's just the result of a backlog of delayed flights thanks to a major storm somewhere.'

He goes on later in the chapter to say that maybe these people are just self-centered, 'especially if your divinely appointed evangelism is at the expense of a bunch of other people who just want to get home in time to tuck in their kids.'

(Directly following that sentence, he does sarcastically refer to himself as a 'soulless twit.')

In his words, he does say that the problem is with him, but at the same time, he spends a whole chapter on evidence that these claims are false. It just didn't set right with me, so much to the point that I had a very hard time going further into the book. (I did, by the way, finish the book, but I was unable to get rid of the negative feelings I got from the first chapter.)

I can see how people would feel the same way that he does. I can see how people can look at a canceled flight and say, "It was from a bad storm." And I can see how people would say that it is good that the lady shared the gospel with a stranger when her flight was canceled, but it wasn't a divine intervention, it was a single person exercising their free will and making a good choice to use her time to spread the Good News.

BUT.

There are stories in the Bible to back up the divine intervention story. What about the lost sheep and the lost coin parable.

And my biggest problem with doubting that God would do this, is that claiming that He WOULDN'T do this is saying that something is TOO SMALL for God to do.

And it's also assuming that we, as humans, should understand or agree with what God chooses. I don't have to understand why God would delay a whole flight just so ONE person can be saved. The Bible is full of verses telling us how special each of us is to God and why WOULDN'T He delay a flight so one of His lambs could find Him?

I bet you're thinking that after all of that time spent saying how I struggled with this chapter, I'm going to say not to read the book. And I'm going to say No Way.

You should read the book. I battled within myself about writing this review, because I thought that if I had a hard time with the book, then I couldn't honestly recommend it. But that's now true.

1. We are all different people and just because I had a hard time with a certain part, you may not, or it may actually BUILD you up. Things affect people differently. So read it.

2. This book really made me think about what I believe and why. Through the struggle with what Jason was saying, I grew even closer to God and His teachings and His character.

3. There is SO MUCH MORE (than what I talked about) in the book. Jason's writing style is great, his stories are hilarious, and he has some great view points on doubting that might be just what you need to hear to strengthen your own faith.

Faces and Flowers

2010-05-17T06:14:00.001-07:00

Here is one(out of the many) pictures of Jakob in the bluebonnets. This is his first year for these pictures, since it didn't rain enough last year to have bluebonnets.

Head on over to iheartfaces to see more great faces and flowers.

Dinner

2010-05-15T16:29:00.001-07:00

Men, I Don't Get Them

2010-05-14T11:19:00.001-07:00

So, David said to me, "I don't understand how somebody doesn't get (understand)....." (For the story, it doesn't matter what he said at the end of the sentence.)

Of course, he said this at the end of a conversation where we were talking about something he 'gets"/understands, and something I don't.

I of course, get offended, and this leads to a 'discussion.'

We're talking about this for a while, and, trying to make a point about how that phrase can be insulting, I say, "Well, I just don't understand how somebody can get all worked about this."

And he instantly calms down, and says, "Well, you never said it that way before."

'Discussion' over, and now we're all happy again.

The very phrase that hurt my feelings, made him feel better.

I just don't get it.

Nothing Says 'Summer' Like

2010-05-11T15:21:00.001-07:00

We Interrupt This Program For A Test of The Emergency Jakob Broadcast System

2010-05-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.

Late Night Thinking

2010-05-04T20:31:00.000-07:00

Just took my first Clomid and I'm sitting here in the living room waiting like something is going to happen and I can't go to sleep.

It's crazy. And a little stupid.

I can't believe I am actually taking a medicine that is supposed to make it more possible (however unlikely) that I will have more than one child at a time.

I need a chill pill is what I need.

What kind of doctor prescribes those?

Don't answer that.

Good night.

Update On Project Green Baby #2

2010-05-04T13:12:00.000-07:00

Ok. Since I am using this a a journal of sorts, I wanted to do a post about what has been going on. Some of you may not be interested in whether I ovulate or not. Feel free to skip this...I just want to remember.

I went in last Friday to get blood drawn to see if I ovulate or not. And it turns out I don't.

This is kind of funny in the sense that I have tried and tried to take those Ovulation Predictor Tests, and they NEVER work.

Well, duh. Guess why they don't work? I'm not as much of an idiot as I thought. Turns out I DO know how to pee on a stick....it just didn't have anything to measure.

So my doctor, whom I LOVE, by the way. (I have heard many complaints about her and her 'bed side manner', but she REALLY knows her stuff. I have been impressed every step of the way. And, come one, who cares about a bed side manner when it comes to giving birth and trying to get pregnant. Let's just get those two things accomplished. *Side note to the side note: I love her bed side manner, too. Hmm. Oh well.)

Where was I?

Oh yeah, my doctor. She prescribed Clomid for me to take, and I start it tomorrow. I am really nervous, because I have always wanted twins, and it feels to me that is what God meant when He told me in the prayer he was waiting for me to get pregnant until I could 'have what I want'.

So we will see. It may not work at all, or I may have just one baby-which I would be THRILLED with.

Or, David may get paid back for all the times he has joked about me having octuplets.

We'll see.

And for those of you going through Jakob withdrawal.......

Bad Mommy

2010-04-26T16:40:00.001-07:00

Man what a day. Jakob began running a fever on Sunday. So I called Elia because Kiah had stayed home with a fever on Friday. She said it only lasted one day, so I figured we would just wait it out, and see if Jakob's fever followed suit.

Well, Jakob became very moody and whiny, he stopped eating and sleeping. He even woke up at 3:30 on Monday morning, and even though he tried, he couldn't go back to sleep.

He was behaving so badly by Monday afternoon that I decided to bring him in to the doctor to check his ears.

Since he had been awake for twelve hours, of course he fell asleep in the car on the way to the doctor. When I got him out of the car, he wok up, took one look at where we were and started crying-screaming.

He continued to cry/scream for the forty-five minutes we were in the waiting room, and the thirty minutes we were back with the doctor. This is so unlike him. He usually barely even cries when he gets shots.

Of course being as hysterical as he was, the first thing the doctor asks, "Why did you wait so long to bring him in?" I would have thought the same thing if it were me...he was screaming like he lost a limb. This makes me feel horrrrrrrible. I had to work. I didn't think he was this bad.

Then she proceeds to check him out while I pin him to the table as he furiously grabs for me screaming like a banshee like the doctor is going to do who-knows-what to him. She looks at everything-eyes, ears, throat, mouth, announces that he's fine (except for the fever) and says we can go home.

Man. How humiliating. And humbling.

A Bug And A Girl

2010-04-23T10:19:00.000-07:00

So, the kids have gotten into a habit of bringing me things to see that they have found outside. Usually it's a rock or a plant of some type.

Yesterday, Jakob noticed something on the driveway,
he looked at it, and then went on to play.

My curiosity peaked, I asked him to bring it to me. He promptly ~~obeyed~~ ignored me . So I asked Madison.

"Madison what is that on the driveway?"

She went and looked at it, but did not say anything.

"Madison, bring it to me."

Another blank stare....

She takes another, closer look at it.

"Madison, what is it? Pick it up and bring it to me so I can see it."

She replies, "You pick it up."

She took one more look and reluctantly picked it up and brought it to me.

You can see in the picture how proud she is that she picked it up. She figures she's finally done with this whole 'picking that nasty thing up off of the driveway.' thing.

But, she's not.

"I can't really see it Madison, hold it up closer to me."

"Ok. Not that close....(eww)"

Ok, thanks Madison.

Then she seemingly instantly dropped and stomped on it as if to say, "Take that you nasty June bug."

Friday Tuesday Favorite

2010-04-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

Today at the grocery store, I made an unexpected discovery. And I'm going to let you in on it, since I know we all strive to find healthy, yet yummy, food choices for our family.

The discovery is called Fruit Chillers by Del Monte. It is like applesauce, but it is pear puree with strawberry puree in it too. We have not tried it yet, it's in the freezer. I will come back and let you know what the kids thought of it.

I know this isn't that great of a find....it's not like I found a yummy way to get the kids to eat spinach. And fruit isn't exactly the food I struggle with most to get Jakob to eat. But this IS a healthy alternative to those Flavor Ice popsicles. Not as much sugar, and a little bit of nutrition. I actually thought it was a better find than it was. I just now noticed the colorings at the end of the ingredients list.

Drat. That's what I get for bringing 2 two-year-olds and a four-month-old with me to the store.

NOT ME Monday

2010-04-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

So at this other blog, they do this carnival of things that you might know someone who did stuff that NO ONE would ever admit to doing. (Confused yet? Ok, good. that was the idea.)

Not that anyone we know does them.

Where was I?

Oh yeah. This week.

We always eat only fresh, healthy foods. Organic, even. That we grow ourselves in our organicish, homegrown composted and mulched greenhouse, raised square foot garden. We definitely did not eat pizza for dinner, and then breakfast.

And then lunch. Nope not us.

Also, when it comes to Jakob sleeping, I am very patient and loving, and will sit with him ALL night if he needs it. So, if you had stopped by our house at bedtime one night last week, you would NOT have found Jakob shut in his room screaming, and me in mine, on my way to sleep. Nope. Jakob always comes first. He goes to sleep with hugs and kisses and sweet homesung lullabies underneath the blanket that I knit for him.

So is there anything you or someone you know did not do this week? don't worry we won't tell. But run over to this blog and link up to read about how perfect everyone else is.

Dramatic Black and White

2010-03-29T13:35:00.001-07:00

Over at iheartfaces, it is dramatic black and white week. This photo was taken with natural light in our kitchen as Jakob was enjoying some peanut butter toast. We were getting into a great game of peek a boo, with me hiding behind the camera and saying, "Where's Jakob?" He loved it and I got some great smile and curiosity shots, with this one being my favorite....or at least one of them.

Head on over to iheartfaces site to see some awesome and dramatic black and white pics.....and leave some comments here and there....

Jakob Right Now

2010-03-26T19:46:00.001-07:00

Wordless Wednesday Friday

2010-03-19T21:05:00.001-07:00

It's Certain

2010-03-15T12:09:00.001-07:00

We, unfortunately, had it confirmed that we did miscarry this baby. The doctor is hopeful for a new, healthy pregnancy in the near future. We will keep you posted and in the meantime, we are going to enjoy our little family of three while we can.

Thank you everyone for your prayers, and thank you, most of all, to God who is with us through every time in our lives.

There is A Way

2010-03-11T10:42:00.000-08:00

You say love is just a word,
just four letters in a row.
Just a thing that people say,
or they never tell you so.
And you use every excuse, to let nobody in.
Now this cloud you bring around, has become your only friend.
And everybody saying that it's going to go away,
But it dont go.
And everybody's telling you one day it's going to change,
But you don't know.
If it's really going to end.

Chorus:
But there is a way,
There is a spark,
There is a hope that you can hold on to.
There is a life line come to the rescue,
Just like a hand that's waiting for you.
And if you believe in this I promise that you won't be alone.
There is a way, the truth, and the life, and the way.

What if love became a man, If the word had flesh and bone.
Would you recognize his face, If he came to bring you home?
You think you're all alone, Gotta do it on your own riding solo.
Is there someone you can call when you stumble and fall? Cause you don't know, If you'll be getting up again.

Back to Chorus

Don't you think your life's worth saving? Don't you know that love's amazing?
Don't you want to lay your troubles down?
Lay them down.
If I thought love was just a word,
I might feel the same way too.
But theres so much more than that,
And it's waiting here for you.

Back to Chorus.

There is a way,
There is a way!
There is a way.
Come on, there is a way.
There is a way,
There is a way.

That, my friends, is the song that woke me up in the middle of the night on Monday, the day that the health of my pregnancy came into question. When this song woke me up, it started with the chorus. And to hear those words...there is a way....there is a spark....there is a hope that you can hold onto...there is a lifeline, come to the rescue.... ALL of that, was just for me from God. To let me know that He was there with me, and all is not lost.

If you'd like to hear it your self, here is a link to the song on youtube.

UPDATED:Prayers Needed

2010-03-09T10:18:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: The doctor saw me today and did not take blood work, but did make appointments for me to get bloodwork and a sonogram on Monday. We need to see a heartbeat on Monday, or it will be really sad news for us. Thank you everyone for praying. We are going to expect to see a heart beat. In fact I am going to claim victory over this because I know that God gave us this baby, and we can use this situation to further show what a great God He is.

Well, the sad thing is that on Sunday night I spotted a little bit, and actually thought that was the end of it until I woke up Monday morning to cramps and more bleeding. I drove into the doctor's office and they did some bloodwork and a sonogram. I should be at 6 weeks, 3 days and the sonogram dated me at 4 weeks and 6 days. When the blood work came back, it showed my HCG level as being at a good level, but my progesterone-the hormone that keeps you pregnant-was at a 6 when it should be at a 30.

A day later, and I am still bleeding and cramping consistently. My doctor started me on progesterone supplements, and I have found success stories on the internet about using them, but I am afraid that it is just too late.

I know that it is possible that I am still pregnant, even though it is not likely. My doctor herself said she is not enthused (her words) about this pregnancy.

Guys please pray. God clearly spoke to me about this pregnancy. He clearly responded to my prayers and fasting. That is the main thing that gives me hope.

God has his hand on every pregnancy, I know. And thank goodness for that, right? But THIS pregnancy, He very specifically spoke to me about. And I have reason to believe He will honor it.

Even if we do lose this pregnancy, David and I know that God is still faithful. He is still loving. He is still kind.

I'm not going to say that we are not crying and hurting very deeply, because we are. I'm not going to say that we are fighting the urge to ask, "Why?" It. Is. Hard.

But we know that God will triumph. And we are going to give Him glory for whatever comes out of this. We are praying for this pregnancy to stick. It is NOT too late. And it doesn't matter what those numbers the doctor gives us say. With God all things are possible.

The end.

Period.

March 3, 2010

2010-03-02T16:36:00.000-08:00

Guess who is turning two? Silly question, I know. Here are some pics I took at the park in honor of our buddy-boy's big day.

To God Be The Glory

2010-02-24T08:35:00.000-08:00

About two weeks ago, David and I were talking in bed just before we turned the lights out.

"It feels like we are not getting pregnant for a reason," I said. I had felt this way for a while. We had been trying to conceive since last January, and while I had been optimistic the majority of the time, lately it felt like God was giving us a big fat NO.

We talked about it, and he said that he agreed. That the feeling we were getting was that Jakob would be our only one. It made us very sad, but we (tried to) understand that God is all knowing, and if He decided it would be better for us to not have another baby we would comply.

That night, shortly after the lights were turned off, but before I could fall asleep, I started praying. I prayed that I was going to respect the choices that God made for us, but could He please take away the wanting that I had in my heart. I questioned Him, wondering isn't a desire for a baby God-given? How can I have this pull at my heart, not just for David and I to have another baby, but for Jakob to have a sibling, if it isn't from God?

Suddenly, midsentence, God spoke to me. I know it was from Him.

"Jana, I'm waiting for you to get pregnant for a time when you can have what you want."

Sudden hope came in, and understanding that we WERE going to have our heart's desire, and I can wait. That was NOT a problem.

About two days later, I was talking via chat with my great friend Rachel about the prayer, and she asked me if I had considered fasting. I said no I hadn't, and if we don't get pregnant this time, I will try it. I figured that God had told me I was going to need to wait anyway, so why rush? Plus part of me wanted to spend some time researching the "best way" to fast...what I was supposed to do, not do, etc.

She nudged me to go ahead and do it now.

The next night I started what I hoped would be a 24 hour fast. Everytime I would get hungry, I would pray to God thanking Him for being a faithful God and for all that He has and is already giving us. I did not ask Him to make me pregnant.

Unfortunately, I only made it to about 2 in the afternoon before I just had to eat. I was disappointed, but hadn't God already told me that I needed to wait?

I let the days pass and forgot that I had fasted, and even forgot about the prayer.

Then comes Monday night and the whole post before this.

I didn't even put it all together until Rachel made a big deal about the layout of this 'story'.

Wow. Now that's all I can say.

Isn't it amazing when you see God so clearly in your everyday life, and isn't it even more amazing when He so specifically and clearly answers a prayer?

I'm Not Mean.....

2010-02-19T07:09:00.001-08:00

I'm pregnant.

Which is a good thing considering we've been trying for a year.

On Monday night, David said, "You've been really mean lately. You're only this mean when you are pregnant. I think you should take a test."

So I thought about it and decided to go out and get three dollar store pregnancy tests. You know, so we didn't waste as much money.

I brought the tests home and took one. Immediately the control line came up and no other line. So I set the test down and went to bed.

The next morning, I glanced at the test, as is my habit.

Lo and behold.....TWO lines.

Being the professional HPT taker that I am, I knew to be cautious. What with the evaporation line and all. (Although, I'd like to state for the record that in the last twelve months of peeing on a stick at night and rechecking it in the morning, I have NEVER seen this phenomenon.)

I still proceeded with caution. When I got home from watching Cade and Kassidy (they are in town for two weeks, and I am ~~dragging~~ bringing the three kids I have every week over to their dad's house from 8-3 everyday), I took another test.

It was faint, but it was there. A second line. Yes!!

Still being conservative with my hope, I took that test with a grain of salt and retested the next day when I got home again.

Two lines.

According to my (and Baby Center's) calculations, I am four weeks pregnant today and due at the end of October. I normally wouldn't talk about this so openly in public, but I have like 14 readers, and only like 3 actually know me.

So I am proceeding with hopeful caution until my doctor's appointment on March 10. Wish me luck.

Conversations from the Back Seat

2010-02-18T18:56:00.000-08:00

Madison: School bus. Do you hear the school bus, Jakob?
Jakob: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah.

Madison: Police car. Do you hear the police car Jakob?
Jakob: Yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeah.

Madison: Motorcycle. Do you see the motorcycle, Jakob?
Jakob: Yyyyyyyyyyyeah.

Madison: Train. Do you see the choo choo train out the window Jakob?
Jakob: Yyyyyyyeah.

So, the speech therapy is really working out.

February 16, 2010

2010-02-17T16:47:00.000-08:00

...will forever be remembered in the Green house. Any guesses why?

Attitude Changing Moments

2010-02-02T09:08:00.000-08:00

Today I was thinking about discipline and punishment. And I was wondering, "What is the most 'Christian' way to discipline/punish?"

It made me think back to situations in my life that truly changed me. Because isn't that what discipline is, and punishment meant to do? Changing someone from what they are right now, to how they ought to be?

My first memory of this happening was when I was about eight. And oddly enough, I didn't remember this until my dad told me the story of it happening.

He had come home to find my mom beside herself angry at me. I had, apparently, taken two quarters off of the table without asking, and without letting anyone know that I had done it. My dad looked at my mom, and without saying anything walked back to my bedroom where I was waiting for impending doom. (Remember that feeling?) He walked into my room, sat down beside me on the bed, reached down into his pocket, and pulled out four quarters.

"If you need money, you just have to ask."

That was all it took to send me into an all out bawl. I had never felt so bad about having done something. I cried and cried and cried.

And I was changed.

It hadn't taken screaming, time out, spanking, grounding, yelling.

I remember another time in high school, when I had fallen into a horrible habit of not turning in my homework. Looking back, I think I wanted attention. My mom was working all day and going to school at night, and my dad lived in another state. It was me and my younger sister by ourselves most of the time. And even when my mom was home, she was tired. And studying. And doing her own homework.

It was the beginning of a new school year, and a new teacher had been hired. Her name was Mrs. Lester, and she taught English. I remember her calling me to her desk one day as class was dismissed.

"I can't seem to find your paper."

I panicked. I loved Mrs Lester. I had started babysitting for her and we had started forming a friendship (as much as that is possible between student and teacher.)

"I didn't do it."

"Really? That just doesn't seem like you."

That was all it took. Hmm. She had no clue of my "prior history". That it was the norm for me to turn in assignments late, if at all. (In fact once I got a D in Science strictly because I didn't do any homework.)

It was all it took to open my eyes to the fact that it wasn't 'too late.' I could change and that wouldn't be who I was anymore.

OK. Situation number three.

I'm in college. Again with the not turning in homework bit. (I guess that wasn't the lesson I learned with Mrs. Lester :) )

It was Mrs Williams class. English again. Didn't do my paper. She asks me for it and her when I say I'm sorry I'll have it tomorrow, her answer will change the way I make decisions in every relationship that I have from here on out.

"That's ok. I like to err on the side of grace."

And just like that, I realized. You don't have to be strict. You don't have to be stern. You don't have to give a consequence, even when it is deserved.

Isn't that what Jesus taught, and isn't that how he treats us? Sometimes consequences are needed, but sometimes, sometimes, it is OK to let something go.

What side do you want to err on?

Yes, Again.

2010-01-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

So you'd think I'd learn. You'd think it was hard enough the first time to get it out. You'd think having him do it twice would teach me.

Nope.

And the added challenge to Jakob putting Vaseline in his hair this time is that he's 4 days out from surgery on his ears, so he did NOT want his ears touched. I have been trying to put his ear plugs in so I could give him a bath a few times a day since his surgery on Tuesday morning. They still seem to be hurting him.

But he HAD to have a bath for this. So I gritted my teeth, apologized to Jakob, and grabbed the ear plugs.

We were both crying by the end, I felt so bad that I had not watched him closely enough to prevent this. I could tell he was hurting.

He's been running a fever, so the vaseline had been out so I could keep up with his temperature. I did put it up on his changing table, but he climbed up and got it while I was finishing up my mom's birthday present in the office...the room right across the hall from his.

I might just throw that Vaseline away.

A Day of Surgery, In Pictures

2010-01-28T09:31:00.000-08:00

Ready or Not

2010-01-25T21:39:00.000-08:00

.....Nana's here, hospital bag packed, paperwork read though, prayers said..... goodbye adenoids, hello healthy boy. Surgery tomorrow......wish us luck.
...........Here we come.

formspring.me

2010-01-25T21:06:00.001-08:00

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/janagreen

2010-01-23T20:41:00.001-08:00

Pay No Attention

2010-01-21T13:54:00.000-08:00

...to this post.

I'm just doing it to have five extra entries into a giveaway for the best, most fantastic, easiest to use (from my experience, anyway), and most comfortable way to wear your baby, er, almost two-year-old.

Check out the sleepy wrap website to see what I am talking about and to read like four million reviews on people who use it everyday, which is what I will do if I win it.

I have Kaiah, who is two months old, a snuggly almost two-year-old boy, and a new baby coming in February so that Sleepy Wrap would get more use in this house than just about anywhere else.

Head on over to Monkey Tales to NOT enter into this giveawy....there are a few other giveaways on that blog..so maybe you could just be happy entering into one of the others?

(Hee hee)

Somebody Smell Me

2010-01-18T08:15:00.000-08:00

David likes to fish, and every now and then, it works out that I get to go with him. We have been fishing together ever since we met, but everytime we go out (for the last five years) we come back empty handed. Well, that's not entirely true, once, we came back with three fish.

But here's the thing, when David goes out with his buddies, or even by himself, he limits on several different kinds of fish. In fact sometimes, he gets his friends' limits too.

SO I have been trying to figure out what is wrong with me that when David and I go fishing together, we strike out.

Well, I might have figured it out.

Saturday night we were watching this show on Animal planet about Killer Whales versus Great White Sharks. Which one is scarier, or more dangerous?

Well it turns out that the Killer Whale is more dangerous. In fact the Killer Whale will attack and eat the Great White more often than the reverse happens.

Also, after a killer whale has attacked a great white, the great whites will leave that water. Even BEFORE the killer whale gets near the water where the great whites are, the great whites will leave that area.

So the scientists waanted to know how do the great whites know the killer whale is coming?

What they figured out is that the sharks are repelled by the scent of other decaying great whites. So the sharks smell the dead great whites that the killer whales got, and flee. It was amazing, really. I mean the scientists threw this thing with the scent of dead shark on it in the middle of a pack of sharks and BAM!! they were out of there.

So that's it.

Maybe I smell like dead fish.

2010-01-16T09:34:00.001-08:00

Priorities in Discipline

2010-01-15T11:20:00.000-08:00

So I've reached that point where I feel like I am getting onto Jakob ALL THE TIME.

You know, in the past, it has always seemed like a cycle.

Stay 'on top' of the kids, they behave.
They behave so you back off a little bit.
They start to 'misbehave'. So you reign them back in.
Repeat.

And what I am beginning to figure out is this:

There are certain things that you want kids to obey no matter what. And I know the list is different for different families. But not EVERYTHING can be nonnegotiable, I mean how successful can your child (or anyone) feel with that rule.

I know without even thinking about it that the command (request) "Come here." is nonnegotiable. If I say, "Come here." Jakob better come, or there will be consequences.

But what I having a hard time with is this:

Sometimes, I tell him, "No." And then I realize that it's actually OK for him to do that. So do I make him obey, because if I don't then he'll learn that he doesn't have to obey me?

But where is the line.....when is there a consequence, and when is there NOT a consequence?

For instance, we are having a hard time with Jakob reaching up onto the kitchen cabinet and just 'feeling' for things. He has almost gotten really hurt doing this a couple of times. (Can you say hot stove top?)

We have come down really hard on him for this now.

But sometimes it IS okay for him to reach up there. If he sees his cup or paci, for example. So do I make an arbitrary rule that it's not ever ok to reach up there just because sometimes it's not safe?

And if I tell him No and not to do something and then he does it, is it an automatic consequence?

I have quite a bit of experience with kids, and up until now, my philosophy has always been, "If I say it, then you better do it. Period." And I realize, that puts the pressure on me to watch what I tell/ask them to do, and also to follow through when it doesn't get done. My reason for this is that they may be put into a situation (car coming when they're playing in the street) when I only have time to say it once, and they better obey or the natural consequences will be horrible.

But where does grace come into all of this? They say children learn what they live, and I want my kids to be full of grace and compassion for others, but how do we show grace, and still raise obedient children?

And what things are on your 'no matter what' list?

And any other insights you might want to throw out there would be great, too.

Did you see that? UPDATED for Niecey

2010-01-14T06:57:00.001-08:00

At the bottom is the picture where I jsut selected the decrease red option. Should I do it on my own (if I can figure out how to find that option) or is this good? And how did you even think of decreasing the red?

Here is my atempt at editing. Feedback anyone? The first one is SOOC, the second is Photo~~Chopped~~Shopped.
The title has double edged meaning. One, it loooks like Jakob might be a bit startled, and two, can you see the differences in the two pics, and are the changes good. Plus, what else can I do to help it out.

Also, apparently, it's delurking day...so if you have never, or even if you just rarely make comments....SPEAK UP......please.

Thank you very much.

Why?

2010-01-13T13:13:00.000-08:00

Why did I wait two years, until it was for someone else's baby, to try this?

Every Life Has a Story, And Here's Part of Mine

2010-01-09T07:54:00.000-08:00

Right now I am sitting at my aunt's house, listening to my uncle and my dad talk as my dad fixes stew in the crockpot. In any other family this might be an incredibly ordinary thing to happen. But for me, in my life, it is not.

Growing up, my dad was never around. My parents didn't get divorced until I was 11, but I still only have about 2 memories of my dad predivorce. He just wasn't around. In fact, when my mom, my sister, and I moved away from my dad and into an apartment when I was in the 6th grade, I remember thinking how nothing really changed.

My dad was(is) an alcoholic. Ever since I can remember, present time included, if he's awake, he has a beer in his hand (or open somewhere). When we lived with him, he would get up and go to work before we woke up, go to a bar when he got off of work, and not come home until we were asleep.

When my parents' divorce was final, and school was out for the year, we (my mom, my sister, and I) moved to Abilene from Ruidoso so she could go to ACU and finish her bachelors degree. My dad hadn't even tried to get custody of us.I don't remember how I found out-if I asked or what-but I did find out. He just let us be moved to another state. And I didn't realize it until just recently, but because my mom didn't have to 'fight' for us, it felt like nobody actually wanted us. My mom just got us.

(Just took a break to live life a little....eat lunch, chat with family, talk on the phone with David, feed child, etc.)

And I almost haven't seen him since. One or two week-to-ten-day trips out there. And a few other random visits, but basically, over the last 20 years, I haven't spent more than a week with my dad, and it's been 7 or 8 years since the last time. In the last 7 or 8 years, I have spent one evening at a time with him. And that has happened three times. With a few years in between each time.

My dad was/is (still unsure as to if it is is or was) really bad about saying he'll do something (i.e. coming to pick us up, call us, etc.) and not doing it. In fact he can tell you he's not going to do something and he does it and tell you he is going to do it and he doesn't do it. So I have to admit, that among all the other questions in my mind, is one.

Am I doing the right thing in introducing my son to and allowing him to bond with my dad?

I understand that every person is human, and that every person comes with their own set of ways to disappoint you, but am I being irresponsible in allowing jakob to come to love someone who's history, not only with me, but with everyone in his life, is disappointing others and letting them down?

It's bad enough, that I have been unable to introduce my dad to Jakob as "Grand Dad Varley." I have a hard time giving jakob a name for my dad. I hope my dad hasn't noticed. I don't want to hurt his feelings.

But I don't want Jakob to get hurt either.

On a whole different note.....but going back to what I was talking about with custody.....I was surprised to hear that my dad wanted me to come visit him. And by doing some talking with my aunt, I was surprised to learn that my dad was afraid of my rejection. Doesn't he know he's the parent, the "grown up"? It was his responsibility all these years to keep the relationship going....

This is so confusing.

And........ a little shocking.

That doesn't make it any easier.

So here I am. Thirty-two years old. Getting to know my dad.

What We Did On our Christmas Vacation

2010-01-06T12:21:00.000-08:00

(In no particular order....)

Saw my real dad

Played with Thomas train holder with plastic kitchen bowl as a hat.
Did some work for my stepdad (well that was mainly David.)

Saw some ducks at the Abilene Zoo.

Annoyed my sister. (Luv ya, Jess.)

Bonded with my aunt.

Saw my brother-in-law and nephew.

Saw a Bethlehem Nights

Loved my nephews.
Shot a deer, two actually. (Totally David.)

iheartfaces

2009-12-27T12:54:00.000-08:00

This week at iheartfaces, it's blooper week. So if you'd love to see some great blooper pics by some great photographers, head on over there and check it out.

This shot was one I caught while my husband was trying to put Jakob's safety glasses on. He wasn't really watching Jakob's face and I had a few funny shots from this.

In this picture, I was trying to get a shot of all four of "my" kids. Only Jakob, the smallest boy is mine The others, are kids I watch, and it was Madison's first day. I really just wanted a good pic for her first day. And this is what I got, well like FIVE pictures like this with all different faces.

This picture of father and son was taken on Christmas Eve this year. daddy was actually cooperating, but look at the Little Guy. And doesn't it look like he knows that's hilarious?

HELP!!!

2009-11-29T10:59:00.000-08:00

So we are living in the bathtub today, with a bottle of dawn. It's not really working so far. Does anybody have any other suggestions for getting Vaseline out of hair?

Little Things

2009-11-28T15:27:00.000-08:00

"My paycheck came in early, do you want to go grab something to eat," he asks as he finishes putting gas in the car.

"Sure. How about that new barbecue place?"

"That's just what I was thinking."

So they head off to see what the new barbecue place holds. Turns out it's closed, so they head to the next best thing.....the OLD barbecue place in the next town.

After a shower and a change of clothes, they are on the road to ease their hunger after a great time of sighting in some guns for a deer hunting trip that's coming up in a few weeks.

She's looking out of the window as she notices him passing the exit for barbecue.

"Hey. I think you needed to exit there."

A smile comes across his face and his shoulders shrug. "I just go where the truck goes."

Confused, but pleased, she adds a smile to her face as she sits back to enjoy the surprise and try to see if she can figure out where he has decided to take them.

Times had been hard lately, what with her being basically unemployed for a month, and several big annual bills having just come due. There hadn't been many fun times like this in quite a while. It felt really good just to sit back, enjoy the ride, and let him do the driving and deciding for a bit. It felt really good to be taken care of. "This is what I love about being married," she thought. "This is what I am thankful for this year." Nothing nights with my family.

Here's hoping you enjoy the little things in your life this year.

Way Back Whensday...November 2008

2009-11-11T18:37:00.001-08:00

God Still Speaks

2009-11-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

Tonight God spoke to me. Through Jakob's Childrens' Bible.

David and I have really been struggling financially. (And when you struggle financially, don't you usually struggle in other ways, too? We do.)

Anyway. My whole life I have wanted to be a stay at home mom. But it just hasn't worked out so far. I have been able to work at home, so it's kind of like I am staying at home with Jakob.

But not really.

Even though it's not really staying at home, I am still counting my blessings that I have been with him at home for this part of his life.

I say all of that to say that David and I are in the middle of making some big decisions to what I am doing.

It is not really working out for me to do what I am doing, and we (mainly I) am really searching for what God wants me to be doing. I have a teaching degree, but the mommy in me struggles against the idea of working out of my house. And leaving Jakob with someone else during the day. To me, that is MY JOB. And I have really, really, really, struggled with why would God give jakob to us and then want me to leave him with someone else for them to raise and influence him.

So I have been on the never ending quest to find what God's will is for my life right now, and I think I have found it.

In Jakob's Childrens' Bible:

Do you see it? No?

Look a little closer.

There:

And God saved Baby Moses AND GAVE HIM BACK TO HIS REAL MOTHER FOR A LONG TIME.

See. That is my answer. God may need me to work in a way that is not spending my days with Jakob, but He will bring Jakob back to me.

For A Long Time

Tot Talk Tuesday

2009-11-03T07:38:00.000-08:00

I am no longer around kids on a regular basis that can talk, so I am going to have to be creative.

Here goes:

A convict completed serving his 50 year sentence and was released from prison. Upon his release, he ran through the streets of the nearby small town yelling, "I'm free. I'm free!!" Up and down every street, he ran and ran. He stopped after he had run up and down the very last street. As he stopped, and looked around at the beautiful day of his release, he looked down at the young child that just happened to be standing at the end of the same street, and said, "I'm free."

"So what," the child exclaimed. "I'm four."

Ok, yes it was a joke, but I just don't have the cute kiddy talk access that I have had in the past.

Be sure to stop by Niecey's blog and read some actual cute kiddie talk, not just the made up variety.

Click here to join in

Halloween

2009-10-31T22:12:00.001-07:00

This is my favorite pic from the evening. Jakob picked out all the lollipops himself. I thought it was cute. More pics to come later, if anyone is interested. Not sure how I will know if anyone is interested since NO ONE EVER COMMENTS......

Blessed

2009-10-30T18:11:00.000-07:00

Right now, I am typing this at my kitchen table. David fell asleep on the couch watching the Military Channel. Jakob is right beside me in one of the kitchen chairs. He is toggling between swinging the cord to the blinds, pushing the cd rom button on my laptop, pushing the Caps Lock button (it has a light, after all), and drinking the sweet tea I just poured into my insulated water bottle.

I was playing a game on FaceBook, but I decided I just had to blog about this, because I know there will be a time when, given the choice, Jakob will not be in the chair next to me while I play on my computer. In fact, there will be a time when he won't even choose to be in the house with me. Not by ill will, of course, but by being able to go out with his friends, or even {gasp} a girl.

Now that I think about it, there are times, RIGHT NOW, when I get frustrated because he wants to be RIGHT HERE beside me.

Tonight, though, I am drinking it in.

I'm letting my heart swell with pride as I watch my son notice everything. And I mean everything. If I move or change anything, he is right on top of it. What is different? Why is it different? What made it different?

I couldn't be prouder as I watch him be him. I love that I get to know the essence of Jakob. I get to know him before he gets out into the world and experiences failure, heartbreak, loss, or pain. And before these things change him.

David and I would love to give Jakob a sibling, but if that doesn't turn out, I hope we never take having Jakob for granted.

Jakob is enough. I know that if I go through my life with what God has already given me, and He doesn't give me even one more thing, I am blessed, and I have been blessed.

Thank you God.

How To Improve Your Toddler's IQ

2009-10-26T16:35:00.000-07:00

NOw, I am no expert when it comes to preschool education, but I do know a few things. Plus there has been something just tugging at my heart. There is a message that has just been bugging me to get out.

Here it is: Did you know that IQ is a test of vocabulary?

Do you know HOW to boost your child's vocabulary? Here is a hint: It is NOT flashcards.

It's experience. That's right, you build vocabulary by letting your child experience different situations.

Now I don't mean everyday, or even, every week, has to be a field trip through a museum. Take your child to the grocery store, and talk, talk, talk, to them through out the whole thing. Let them touch (appropriate) things, pick out the oranges in the produce, weigh them. Let them help you pick out what to buy. Talk about why you bought those potatoes instead of the other ones. Don't talk over their heads, but don't talk beneath them either.

When you go check the mail, bring them with you and talk about what you are doing. Count things along the way.

Talk to them as you cook dinner. Let them help you measure the ingredients, set the oven temperature, stir the (not cooking) food. When you're cooking, give them a pan, some dry cereal and a lid and spoon, and talk to them about stirring, dicing, slicing, blending, boiling, etc. Give them the vocabulary they need to be able to do what you are doing.

Don't expect them to learn everything all at once. Expect to repeat yourself. Expect things to take more time than if you just "did" them. Expect things to be messier, and "different" than if you just did them. The time that you are spending with your kids will be so much richer and will make up for what you consider to be flaws in what you created together.

Also, when you are driving, talk to your kids about what you are doing.

"We're stopping, because we have come to a stop sign."
"We're turning left at the next street.:
"We are letting that pedestrian go in front of us because that's the right thing to do."

Ask your kids questions, including their opinions. Ask questions that start with "What do you think (about)....?" "How do you think we should...? "Is it a good or bad idea to......Why?"

Anyway, this has really been on my heart lately. Please, please, please include your kids in you day-to-day errands. And I mean not just letting them ride along. But I bet you knew that, in fact, I bet a lot of you already do this.

So now, maybe I can move on.

Wordless Wednesday Thursday

2009-10-22T10:44:00.000-07:00

Yes, that's the oven door.

Circles and Fine Motor Skills

2009-10-21T14:09:00.000-07:00

Today we had a lesson that continued our study on circles. I put out a certain number of coins, and let them put the money in a piggy bank. (Make sure you know what that certain number is, so you know if you're missing any at the end.) Also, do not leave the kids alone with these coins. They are a choking hazard afterall.

This is good for many reasons. One, it helps with fine motor skills. Fine motor skills are the skills your fingers to do things. Developing good fine motor skill is important in order to learn to write and cut with scissors.

Something else that this activity helps with is knowing what a circle is. This activity is great because it allows kids to actually feel what a circle feels like. How there are no points, or corners. I talked in my last post about school about how toddler's (and preschoolers, for that matter) learning needs to be mainly kinestetic and/or tactile. That means that they need to learn by feeling, or by doing.

I learned recently, that you should always have kids work from left to right. This helps them get used to the left-to-right motion that they use when they read. Makes sense, huh?

So I put the coins on the left, and the bank on the right. Now, the closer they get to the 'learning-to-read age", the more concerned you want to be about them not doing it right to left. My kids, on occasion would set the coins down on the right while they were putting a different coin in the slot on the bank. Now, at this age (eighteen-twenty months) you can either just let them pick those (one or two coins) up on the right and put them in, or you can just move them back to the left.

You do NOT want this to turn into a power struggle, or for there to be any stress. Learning needs to be fun.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me through comments, or through my email, which is listed in my 'About Me."

Long Live Mr Thornton

2009-10-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

I got some really sad news on Thursday. My band director from high school died. He was more like a surrogate dad for me. I am so sad because the last time he got sick, (I blogged about it here) I told myself if he got better I was going to go visit him in Abilene when I went home to see my family.

I don't really know why I never went to do that. I knew it would be weird, and I think in the end I decided that I didn't know how his family would take me coming to visit. I didn't know how to approach it, and so it never happened.

I am really surprised at how it just knots my stomach up to know that I will never get to see him or hug him again. It's too late.

It's TOO LATE.

I feel like an ass. Excuse the language, but there really doesn't seem to be a better word for it.

I didn't get around to it.

I was too busy.

I was nervous about it.

I
I
I

Do you see it?

I was being selfish, and too wrapped up in me.

And now I missed out on saying thank you to someone who was so deserving of it. I only hope somehow, someway, that he knows. That somehow when someone else gave him that hug, that he knew that there were so many other people who wanted to be doing the same thing. Hugging him. Giving him a personal symbol of gratitude for the time spent worrying about us, the time spent treating us as his kids, the time spent figuratively slapping us upside the heads when we made stupid mistakes.

We love you Mr T and we thank God that He put you in our lives. Because God knew what we needed, and you were it. Thank you for listening to God calling you to be there for us. Thank you for letting me cry on your shoulder when my dad started having new kids with his girlfriend, and he wasn't even taking care (physical nor monetarily) of the kids he already had. There is nothing I can do to repay you for it. I can only rest easy knowing that God is giving you your eternal reward now.

Wordless Wednesday

2009-10-07T11:50:00.001-07:00

School Is In Session

2009-09-29T13:17:00.000-07:00

I am so excited to say that I have gotten my act together. I am totally having a school for Madison and Jakob.

Now, if I can just get it to last past this week.

Anyway, here is what we are doing. I have decided to focus on one shape and color at a time. Right now we are doing 'circle' and 'blue'.

See:

Later, when the paint dries, I am going to help them glue their circles onto somse construction paper.

I realize they are only one, so I just follow their lead at this point. Here are my basic rules:

When they are ready to be done, they are done. For instance, the picture of the play doh circle is the only one we made because Jakob didn't want to make anymore, he wanted to explore the playdoh in different ways, and that is fine.
We don't talk about anything to do with the alphabet, but I do include words with their "projects." And if they point to the word, I might say, "That says, 'Circle. Can you say 'circle'?'" When they are ready for more, they will let me know, and I will follow their lead.
The projects that are on paper are done in conjunction with a lot of talking away from the art table. I will point out circles and the color blue in other areas. We may make a circle "collection". Their basic form of learning should be tactile and kinesthetic.

When you do projects with kids, you're going to want to set it up for them to be as successful as possible. What I mean by this is that you want to say "yes" and "good" as often as possible, and "no" and "stop" as little as possible. That's one reason let Jakob paint in the bath tub. I don't really have to say no at all.

Pictured below is some of the paints that I found at Target that are made for the bath tub.

I even found some cute Halloween snack cups for 1 dollar at HEB.

Hope you enjoyed this, and hopefully I will have more to post again soon.

I Heart Faces: Blue

2009-09-27T15:20:00.001-07:00

It's been quite a while since I have entered this contest, but with my baby's eyes, how could I NOT enter this?? I am not delusional. I know I am not going to win, but it will still be fun to enter and see everyone's blue pictures. I can't wait.

Head on over to iheartfaces to see all the other awesomely blue (not depressed) pictures.

Babywearing

2009-09-26T17:34:00.001-07:00

Yep....no sling or other device handy, so he snuggled into my shirt!!!

Things To Be Happy About

2009-09-24T14:20:00.000-07:00

Our pear tree that is blooming from all of the rain we have gotten recently.
A husband with a love of fishing and cooking said fish.
A great camera.
The wonderful son that we have who keeps everything interesting.

Is It Tomorrow, Yet???

2009-09-24T07:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I am here, waiting for tomorrow, but I have stuff going on that I don't think anyone really wants to hear about.

Two of my kids are moving, so I am furiously looking for at least one more to watch, and I haven't been able to find one. I need to pay the bills, after all. And while I can still (barely) joke about it, it's really not that funny. I am not sure what I am going to do....... I have put ads on Craig's List, and mostly gotten emails about getting out of debt....scams, I am sure.

Anyway, we are also still ttc....... I don't know about how much to share, so I am not sharing. Let's just say I think it would be a lot easier if we were younger and not working, or even if David didn't work shift work, including alternately working nights and days. Hope that wasn't TMI. I have gone to bed every night praying for a pregnancy.

I've lost all my humor about this too. And, yes, I know I'm an impatient wimp. We haven't been trying for very long at all.

Also, the last days of watching Kassidy and Cade are marred because their mom is taking them two days early so she doesn't have to pay me for those days...she just up and decided yesterday and their last days (were)are Monday and Tuesday. That doesn't help my money situation...AT ALL.

I'm so depressed I don't even feel like putting a picture up here.

I find myself scolding myself about being a 'good' christian. I know that God provides for everything we need. My whole life is a testimony to that. It says not to worry in the Bible more than anything else. I know it's a sin.

I also know that God's timing is perfect. He has a plan that is bigger and better than anything I could even imagine. I know I should rest easy knowing that whatever happens if God's will and by default means that it is the best thing for our family.

I also know that no matter what their mom does, God will take care of us, so I should not be bitter about her choice to take them early just so she doesn't have to pay. Whatever she decides should have no bearing on my attitude.

But it is still hard.

It's only temporary.

The Sullivans

2009-09-23T13:01:00.001-07:00

Please pray for this dear daddy who just lost his wife.

Have You Missed Us?

2009-09-19T08:03:00.001-07:00

My computer went AWOL, but it has successfully been hunted down and brought back to face the consequences. I should be back and blogging at full speed in the very near future. Until then, enjoy this picture of my brightblue-eyed wonderboy.

What Jakob Needs

2009-09-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

See that banner up above? Know how many pics I take a month of that boy?????? At least 700.

He needs a sibling fast. Before his head swells anymore.

A Day In The Life (inspired by Niecey D)

2009-09-08T12:25:00.000-07:00

4:15 Jakob wakes up. Nurse him, try to stay awake on couch while he finishes.

4:45 Put him back in bed. I get in bed. I get out of bed, I have to pee. Go to the bathroom, get back in bed.

6:15 Text from Jennifer: She's dropping Kassidy off at school and bringing Cade after that. Set alarm from 6:45 to 7:45.

7:15 Wake up, even though alarm hasn't gone off yet. Get dressed. Start thinking of everything I need to do today. (I'm leaving out a 30 minute....ummm......'thing' that has to do with "that time of the month". Trust me, you don't want to know.)

7:45 Realize it's Jakob's first day of MDO so I need to get a bag ready for him.

Gather two diapers from the package on the living room floor, go to the bathroom to grab a portable thing of wipes. Get Jakob's "Jakob" bag that we made him for Jess's wedding. Label the wipes and the diapers with Jakob's first name and initial. Grab a snack cup. Label it as well.

Open the cabinet look for a snack for Jakob that a) will not make a mess, b)he will eat c) is not a big allergen for other kids...i.e. peanut butter. Realize the pantry is reallllly empty of these kinds of things and settle for the Target brand sweet potato puffs that Jakob doesn't really like {which btw is the reason we still have any at all}. Oh well, two out of three isn't bad.

(Side note: I'm going to have to quit time stamping these things, because I am not really watching the clock.)

But I do know that Jakob wakes up at 8: 05 {which is extremely late for him} because Barney comes on at 8, and he watches Barney while I finish getting his bag ready. Also, Cade arrives at some point.

When Jennifer brings Cade she points out that he has been given some kind of medicine for his cough/stopped up nose, that Troy is going to make a doctor's appointment for him, and could I please blow his nose a lot for him and offer him lots of liquids throughout the day. Sure thing, I say.

Cade comes in, he sits in David's chair and sips on the Sprite that he got from Sonic with his mom that morning. (Whatever happened to juice or milk for breakfast, I wonder. Oh well, not my child...moving on.)

I label Jakob's sippy cup , the one with the sports balls on it, and then I laber the last remaing organic juice patch {which is more water than juice} and stick them in the Jakob bag with the diapers and wipes. I don't really let Jakob have juice, but we do have one left, and I don't want his first day to be bad just because all the other kids get juice boxes and he doesn't. So I bend on this one.

Jakob needs to eat so I give him {after asking Cade if it is ok}a few of Cade's tater tots from breakfast {don't get me started on tater tots for breakfast}.{Oh wait, I just gave Jakob some...for breakfast. Oops.} And a cheese stick.

Jakob drinks it with some water...the sippy cup that is intended for MDO. Must remember to put that back in the bag.

I grab Jake up along with the antibacterial cream and a fingertip bandaid that I need to dress the blister on his thumb with twice a day. Hold a squirmy, wormy Jakob still while I try to 'apply a thin layer' of cream to Jakob's thumb. As soon as I get the cream on his thumb he shakes his hand violently, or rubs it with his fingers so the cream is off. After three attempts I am finally successful in not only applying the cream, but also putting the band aid on. Tight. So he can't pull it off. For at least 45 seconds.

It's about 9:00 and I want to refill my drink at Stripes so we load up.We head to Jakob's school {which is really just the community center.} I give Jakers a book, and pray he doesn't chew on it. We arrive at Stripes before I run in to get a drink, I look in the back seat to make sure everyone's alright...it's awfully quiet in the back. Jakob's chewing on something. Great. The book. Why can't he just look at it? I ask him to give me whatever's in his mouth. I take what he hands me and then look at his thumb. It's the band aid. Nice.

We arrive at Jake's MDO early, but we needed to so that Jakob could get a bit acclimated. Cade writes on his magnadoodle while I add Dr Cortes' number to Jakob's enrollment form and I write a check for his tuition and supply fee and also while I steer Jakob out of the office and away from the computer three times, and take the empty water bottles that Jakob has taken out of the recycling and put them back. Twice. Check on Cade, he's still writing.

Tap,tap, tap on my leg. What is it? Cade. He wants to know what that ball is. It's a ball. Oh ok. Want to go see it? Yes. Ok, just don't throw it.

Jakob's teacher says all drinks need to be in a sippy cup and not a juice box, I say no problem I brought one. Oh. Wait. Is it in the bag? No. Crap. I didn't put it back in. That's ok they say, next time. Thank you.

It's only 9:30.

It's time to go so Cade and I leave. We head home. Cade asks if he can watch Cars when we get home. He's not feeling great and I am having the worst cramps ever....back and front cramps, I never had those before I had Jakob. So I say yes, glad for a chance. To. Just. Sit. Still.

I lounge on the couch with my computer and think about what else needs to get done today. Lunch-hmmm how about grilled cheese, but what else...our pantry is at an all time low, I get paid tomorrow so I'll get some groceries then, but for now, what will go with the sandwiches? I'll look into that after I pick Jakob up. It's not like I can go to the store. And I don't even want to thinkk about dinner. I think we have some veggie noodles and some canned tomatoes that Jessica gave me when I was in Abilene at the end of August. Maybe David can spare 5 dollars to get some meat to add to that.

Lounge on the couch, sip some Dr Pepper, take some motrin, and lie very still until the it kicks in. Thank you MDO!!

Motrin starts working so I pry my body off the couch and attack the laundry on the love seat. Fold it, put it away. Think about how much faster this goes when I don't have someone unhelping me.

Get Cade his Lightning McQueen coloring book and the crayons so he can color. Clear off the table, the kitchen cabinets, and take out the kitchen trash. I take a new trash bag out and then realize why I forgot to put Jakob's cup back in the bag........

It's 12. Time to go get Jakob. Grab my phone. Uh oh. Missed a call from a 361 number. I hope it's not Jakob's school. It was at 10:17 so hopefully not. I redial the number to see who it was, and it was Driscoll Children's Hospital reminding me I owe them 100 dollars from Jakob's visit in June. Drat. Another bill we don't have money for right now. Yay.

Ok, Folks. I thought I could do "A Day In The Life." But man I am worn out just from typing all of this and from trying to type all of this. And I have only gotten to lunch.

Here are a few things you missed from the afternoon that I am not chronicling.

Left to right:

1.Getting a million things (one at a time, through out the day) off of the kitchen table/cabinet for Jakob.

2. clear the kitchen floor, sweepit and mop it with acv to get rid of the ants

3. Save a few things on the kitchen cabinet from the sweeping effect the top of the swiffer has in Jakob's hands.

Other things not mentioned, that I love.....the gazillion times that Jakob wanted to sit with me, nurse, or read a book. Those are times I treasure and should have been what I focused on in this post, but somehow I always focus on other things.

Happy Labor Day. AKA: Wow. Clean Windows.

2009-09-08T09:46:00.001-07:00

Happy One-And-A-Half, Buddy.

2009-09-04T07:42:00.000-07:00

Jakob turned eighteen-months-old yesterday so in honor of him (because I rarely do anything honoring him *wink*), I will tell you eighteen things that you should know about him....we'll assume that you already know that's he's awesome, so that one won't be listed. *grin*

He loves water, to play in, with, and to drink.

He prefers to fall asleep in his bed on his own, and he always has.

He can drink out of a regular cup, and does so using one hand when he feels like showing off.

He loves playing outside.

He only has three 'words': bleh, uh-uh (for uh-oh), and yay.

He can sign 15 words.

He loves books.

He's a climber.

He loves fruits and vegetables...even raw brocolli.

He (in general) hates meat. Except fish.

His favorite thing to do is push buttons.

He's a snuggler.

He likes cars and balls.

He loves Little Einsteins.

He loves Cade and Kassidy.

He's a bit of a dare devil.

He can still ride in his infant car seat.

He still nurses at least once a day.

The Aquarium

2009-09-03T13:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been lazy when it comes to taking the kids anywhere lately, but today I gritted my teeth and loaded up the kids and took them to the aquarium-if just for the dim glimmer of hope that they might take awesome naps. It's so hot here still, and humid, and now that I have Maddie, that's two toddlers...anyway, excuses, excuses, I know. My main (ok entire) motivation for today's outing was that Maddie has been sleeping for less than an hour for nap time, then she wakes up a)miserable and loud, and b)everyone else. Double whammy on the napping front.

I almost didn't go out, but I reallllllllly needed the kiddos to get a good nap. Jakob and Cade have both had nasty colds, and in light of the H1N1 flu, I was extremely hesitant to venture out into crowded places. But I grinned and bore it (is that even right???).

As you can see from the pictures, my fears of getting them out into crowds was rewarded by a completely empty aquarium. Two weeks ago you couldn''t even walk straight through the lobby without having to stop and wait for people to get out of your way. So, yeah, on that front.

And the pictures don't really do it justice, but the park that is on the bottom level of the aquarium is worthy of the annual dues to be a member. It's awesome. It has 6 different 'stations', each for specific age levels so that, ideally, only same age/size/ability kids are playing together. Seriously today we didn't even go see any fish. We just played for and hour on the equipment, looked at the otters and sea turtles and left.

Oh, The Difference Between Girls and Boys

2009-09-02T11:45:00.000-07:00

Since starting to watch Madison, I have begun an independent study on the difference between boys and girls.Yes, I realize it could probably more accurately be described as a personality study rather than a gender study. Humor me. And here are the results as they are translated through a fingerpainting illustration......

Meet Maddie:

You already know Jakob:

Maddie

Jakob

Maddie

Jakob

Maddie

Jakob

Maddie (still on her tray)

Jakob (under the table)

Maddie

Jakob

Saturday Afternoon at Papa's House.

2009-09-02T11:35:00.001-07:00

Momtessori

2009-08-26T07:08:00.000-07:00

Over at this blog that I follow, I found a good activity for toddlers and since I have two toddlers (ok, one is mine, one I borrow each day). I thought I would try it.

Here are some pics of Madison and Jakob doing our version of the activity. Head on over there to get the real scoop on how to do it and why it's good for your budding students.

Not Me My Child Monday

2009-08-23T20:19:00.000-07:00

So here we go again. Talking about things...er...I mean NOT talking about things that our child(ren) hasn't/haven't done.

On Monday when I had not gone through every activity I could think of and had a resulting bored/whining/help me think of something quick before I get myself in trouble with the authorities situation, and it was only 9 am, I did NOT let my 18-month-old stand on a kitchen chair and play in a few inches of sudsy water. My child is so patient, he would never be bored. He doesn't even know what being bored IS.

So hypothetically speaking, if I was letting him play with this water in the kitchen sink, MY child would be content with the privelege of standing on a kitchen chair, and he would NEVER use the chair back as a ladder to reach things behind the sink, thus resulting in being stuck upside down in the water.

Mmm. Not MY child. (Pay no attention to the suds in his hair. I have no idea where those came from.)

Neither would he ever actually crawl up and sit inside the sink. Nope. That is definitely not something that my child would do. No siree.

You guys are going to be so jealous when you see how great my child models things when I need him to for a picture. Like juice pouches, for example. He always holds things exactly how I need them to be held, complying each and every time. Just email me times and dates and we'll see if we can fit you in. He excells in product placement, as you can see.

Plus, he always looks right at the camera. So, like I said, just email me and we'll get back to you.

Playing in the front yard is soooo relaxing. I can just sit back, close my eyes, and relax. You know, take a break. There's nothing to worry about.

Nope, nothing to do around here, but sit back and relax!!

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

2009-08-21T08:34:00.000-07:00

Well, school starts in our area on Monday, so I'm sending y'all some of the pictures of the last days of our summer.