Friday, June 19, 2009

Lonely

I don't know how to start this. I just know that I am going through a very hard time in my life right now.

This is the longest I have gone without 'friends' in a long time. And it's even harder now because I have gone through so many life changes in such a short period of time.

Two years ago, on July 7, to be exact, everything about my day to day life changed. EVERYTHING.

I got a new job, name, house, town.

I got married on 7/7/07. It was great, I am so glad it happened. I have no regrets. Even now, being in the position of isolation that I am in now, I wouldn't change even one thing.

So in July I got married and moved to Ingleside from Sugar Land. Before we got back from out honeymoon, we found out we would have Jakob. Yes we did things (well mainly one thing) that we should not have done until we were married. That's a different subject.

So now not only am I a wife, I am a soon-to-be mom. In one week it all changed and I mean ALL.

Before I moved to Ingleside, I found a great job as a nanny for a two-year-old and his 2-month-old twin brother and sister. I loved it. One problem. They didn't want a pregnant nanny. So I worked for them for one week, and on Sunday night as I was getting ready to go to bed and start my second week of work, the dad called me and fired me.

I was like, 10 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy wasn't even affecting me yet, but they didn't want to give me a chance. Not even a little one.

Then I was stuck in a town of 9000 people. The only people I knew were my former employees and my husband of 2 months (and David's parents). I got a job at a daycare, but there wasn't anybody there that I could really be friends with. Plus, when I fell on December 31, and went into preterm labor, I had to quit working.

The church in this town consists of 12 people. I am the youngest by at least 30 years.

Even at my current church of maybe 100 people, I am the only person in my stage of life. The person I am closest ot at church is Jakob's bible class teacher, and older than my mom. I love her, but it's not like we will be going out to catch dinner and a movie anytime.

I thought maybe our neighbors would be some hope, but it's not really working out. For one, their favorite beverage is beer. And while neither David nor I look down on anyone who drinks, considering both of our pasts, it's very uncomfortable to hang around people who only drink beer. See David is a recovered alcoholic, and my dad is an active alcoholic. So it is just really hard to be around people who hang out in their garage, watch tv, and pop beers all night. Secondly, their kids are all grown, so it's just not that natural to hang out with them.

I should probably mention David's work schedule. He works shift work. For him, that means he works either from 7 am to 7 pm, or 7 pm to 7 am. He works a set of days, has one day off, works a set of nights, has two days off, works a set of days, has one day off, works a set of nights, then has 7 days off. (Thought he is almost always called in to work some point during his seven off.)

When he works days, he leaves the house at 6 am and gets home a little after 7. When he wrks nights, he leaves for work at 6 pm, and gets home a little after 7 am. He then goes straight to bed, sleeps until 4 or 4:30. Then gets ready for work and leaves.

So when he works nights, I see him for about an hour a day....from 5-6 pm. On his days off between sets, he spends those times getting ready for the next shift. Switching from nights to days is incredibly difficult, and david spends the days off in between getting his body reused to sleeping at night and not during the day.

So anyway, I spend an INCREDIBLE amount of time by myself. And I am the ONLY caretaker of Jakob. David just can't do it. Physically, emotionally, and mentally it is just too hard for him.

Anyway, I'd have to say I feel better now. SO I am glad that I typed this out even though maybe only 8 people will read it.

2 comments:

CB said...

Well, count me as one of the 8! In some ways I can really relate to what you are going through! It is hard to move to a town where no one knows you and also where you have a child and no one to depend on to help you. Earle and I have never really known anything different. Sometimes all it takes to feel settled is one good friend...I will pray that you find her. Hang in there! And don't feel bad about how you are feeling, feel validated! It is not easy on your own!!

Amy - AKA - TigerMommie said...

I'm another of the 8........
I guess the nice thing about internet is that you can connect with people all over the world....The downside is that often everyone you meet is so far away.....
I definitely understand what it's like to be far away from everyone you know. Almost all of my friends and family live states away. Though I have to say, even the ones who live closer I hardly ever see or talk to. But I have to say that there are some very good friends of mine that are actually much older then I am.....you just never know.....As fast as everything changed 2 years ago, someone new could pop into your life just as fast.
Take care.......