Sunday night I took a test, which turned out negative. I'm ok for now. No meltdowns...so far. I knew getting pregnant on the first month trying was expecting a lot. Sometimes it's hard connecting your mind and your heart though.
Might share more of this as it happens. Might not. We'll see.
Thanks for your support. I am ok for now. At peace.
I'm sharing something today that I never thought I would share. I still don't know if it is a good idea, but I am hoping that this message falls on the "right" ears, and I can get some support without feeling any pressure. Hopefully you'll know what I mean by the end.
**female talk ahead....may be too much information for some of you....don't say i didn't warn you**
David and I are working on having another baby. I had always heard until recently that breastfeeding was a great form of birth control,but then I started hearing that it wasn't reliable, so I was on the Depo shot. My last one was last September. I didn't start my period again until May. So although the dream timing for me to be pregnant again would have been January or March (I really wanted my kids to be pretty close together), it was out of my hands. Turns out I didn't need those stupid 45 dollar a piece hormone shots.
I later was pointed to a website about 'ecological breastfeeding'. Which is what it is called when you breastfeed on demand. As long as a few stipulations are met, turns out this actually is a great form of birth control. Turns out I met all those stipulations until Jakers was 14.5 months old.
Anyway....here I am, supposed to start tomorrow, and nervous as all get out. We supposedly did what we needed to do at the right time, but I am afraid that it didn't work. I am afraid that if it didn't work this time, that it will be harder during the next month, because David was off of work for two weeks, so he was very relaxed. Plus he was not taking some medicine that makes a certain thing harder to do, so we were able to take advantage of that (and had a great time doing so, might I add). Everything, for once, was lined up perfectly. I just really hope it worked.
So now I am worried. Why do I have this feeling that if it doesn't work right away that it won't work at all? Why does it seem like a "now-or-never" type of deal? I KNOW that God's timing is perfect. I know that each child is fearfully and wonderfully made and that might mean that God is waiting for just the right egg and sperm to be ready to make just the right child for God. Why doesn't that knowledge make me less anxiety ridden????
I'm sorry if this was just too much information for you, but I did warn you and I really just needed to get this off my chest and out so maybe I wouldn't worry about it.
If you feel led to comment about this, please do so. It doesn't matter who you are, or if I actually know you. If I do know you and you want to comment about this I promise not to talk to you about it face to face so we can avoid any type of embarrassing situations.
Anyway, thanks all for listening, and please be thinking of me as I take the tests in the coming days.