Sunday, June 14, 2009

From My Heart:Updated

Sunday night I took a test, which turned out negative. I'm ok for now. No far. I knew getting pregnant on the first month trying was expecting a lot. Sometimes it's hard connecting your mind and your heart though.

Might share more of this as it happens. Might not. We'll see.

Thanks for your support. I am ok for now. At peace.


I'm sharing something today that I never thought I would share. I still don't know if it is a good idea, but I am hoping that this message falls on the "right" ears, and I can get some support without feeling any pressure. Hopefully you'll know what I mean by the end.

**female talk ahead....may be too much information for some of you....don't say i didn't warn you**

David and I are working on having another baby. I had always heard until recently that breastfeeding was a great form of birth control,but then I started hearing that it wasn't reliable, so I was on the Depo shot. My last one was last September. I didn't start my period again until May. So although the dream timing for me to be pregnant again would have been January or March (I really wanted my kids to be pretty close together), it was out of my hands. Turns out I didn't need those stupid 45 dollar a piece hormone shots.

I later was pointed to a website about 'ecological breastfeeding'. Which is what it is called when you breastfeed on demand. As long as a few stipulations are met, turns out this actually is a great form of birth control. Turns out I met all those stipulations until Jakers was 14.5 months old. I am, supposed to start tomorrow, and nervous as all get out. We supposedly did what we needed to do at the right time, but I am afraid that it didn't work. I am afraid that if it didn't work this time, that it will be harder during the next month, because David was off of work for two weeks, so he was very relaxed. Plus he was not taking some medicine that makes a certain thing harder to do, so we were able to take advantage of that (and had a great time doing so, might I add). Everything, for once, was lined up perfectly. I just really hope it worked.

So now I am worried. Why do I have this feeling that if it doesn't work right away that it won't work at all? Why does it seem like a "now-or-never" type of deal? I KNOW that God's timing is perfect. I know that each child is fearfully and wonderfully made and that might mean that God is waiting for just the right egg and sperm to be ready to make just the right child for God. Why doesn't that knowledge make me less anxiety ridden????

I'm sorry if this was just too much information for you, but I did warn you and I really just needed to get this off my chest and out so maybe I wouldn't worry about it.

If you feel led to comment about this, please do so. It doesn't matter who you are, or if I actually know you. If I do know you and you want to comment about this I promise not to talk to you about it face to face so we can avoid any type of embarrassing situations.

Anyway, thanks all for listening, and please be thinking of me as I take the tests in the coming days.


Christina said...

I have a question. Maybe it's my mommy brain turning to mush or maybe it's just late and I should be in bed. LOL It's only 9:24pm is that late? hehe Anyway, ..if you are still breastfeeding now & mentioned it's a good form of birth control..... wouldn't that make it harder to get pregnant right now? {please correct me if I read your post wrong - which I probably did}

That being said........... when Tom and I were trying to get pregnant after we were married, it took over a year and a half. Of course we thought something was wrong, OMG, is it me? is it you? {i hope you are laughing} Finally one day....after what seemed like forever, we got a POSITIVE test and 9 months or so later..........we had Emily. I realized after Emily's medical diagnosis....those words you said in your post, "it all comes in God's time" and I understood why. But I totally get the "hoping your period doesn't start" part too. That has got to be the hardest part.

I'm here if you ever want someone to talk to.

PS. And here's a little sprinkle of "Baby Dust" - POOF

Christina said...

Me again. You can always run up to the Walgreens and get a pregnancy test. They are accurate 5 days before your missed period. That always made me feel better. Or not........ especially if it says NEGATIVE. Ok, I take back that advice. Just trying to keep you laughing.

Jana Green said...

Hi Christina,

Breastfeeding is only effective birth control-according to that website- if you are still breastfeeding at night on a regular basis. Right now I am only nursing once a day when Jakob wakes up. You have to be breastfeeding around the clock, including nights. The link in my post goes to a la leche league artical about that.

That being said, if I am not pregnant by September, I am going to wean...just in case that does have something to do with it.

Molly said...

Oh, I really want you to run out RIGHT NOW and get a prego test! Especially since AF just started back up again, it may not necessarily mean anything if you don't start tomorrow...

I remember when we were trying for Peanut - we got preggo on the first month, but it was still agonizing waiting to be able to test. I'm the same as you - I tend to have a now or never attitude!

I'll be thinking of you! Feel free to vent/talk/whatever, this is your blog! Oh, and you'd better let us know, either way!

Niecey said...

Trying for a baby is always emotional. I still get completely wound up with it, even though I have a crew of kids already. Because the desire for a baby can be so strong. And it's so easy to get obsessed with timing and everything else.

Are you charting your temps? I find it really helps with making sure you're timing it correctly.

I'll say a prayer for you guys that God will bless you with another and that you'll have peace while you wait on his timing. It's a wonderful and very emotional thing.

Jana Green said...

Did I mention this is our first time trying for a baby....Jake was an unexpected blessing....I was on the pill.

Molly said...

Big cyber hug! It'll happen. And the timing will be perfect.

CB said...

I understand how you are feeling! We have been there. It took us 16 months to conceive Ben. It is truly an emotional roller coaster because you don't want to let it get you down, but you have to 'think' about what you are doing everyday to get the ball rolling...and then each month at that time, it is just hard!! Hang in there. I'll be thinking about you! It only took 4 months for Collin...and that seemed like nothing!! Oh, we used the ovulation sticks...the Dr. told us to start on Day 9 of my I usually used up at least 10 sticks per month...two packages at least..and of course...did the deed that many day in a row. It worked with Collin and I was not on the Clomid that I was on with Ben...I know, probably wayyyyy tooo much info!!