About two weeks ago, David and I were talking in bed just before we turned the lights out.
"It feels like we are not getting pregnant for a reason," I said. I had felt this way for a while. We had been trying to conceive since last January, and while I had been optimistic the majority of the time, lately it felt like God was giving us a big fat NO.
We talked about it, and he said that he agreed. That the feeling we were getting was that Jakob would be our only one. It made us very sad, but we (tried to) understand that God is all knowing, and if He decided it would be better for us to not have another baby we would comply.
That night, shortly after the lights were turned off, but before I could fall asleep, I started praying. I prayed that I was going to respect the choices that God made for us, but could He please take away the wanting that I had in my heart. I questioned Him, wondering isn't a desire for a baby God-given? How can I have this pull at my heart, not just for David and I to have another baby, but for Jakob to have a sibling, if it isn't from God?
Suddenly, midsentence, God spoke to me. I know it was from Him.
"Jana, I'm waiting for you to get pregnant for a time when you can have what you want."
Sudden hope came in, and understanding that we WERE going to have our heart's desire, and I can wait. That was NOT a problem.
About two days later, I was talking via chat with my great friend Rachel about the prayer, and she asked me if I had considered fasting. I said no I hadn't, and if we don't get pregnant this time, I will try it. I figured that God had told me I was going to need to wait anyway, so why rush? Plus part of me wanted to spend some time researching the "best way" to fast...what I was supposed to do, not do, etc.
She nudged me to go ahead and do it now.
The next night I started what I hoped would be a 24 hour fast. Everytime I would get hungry, I would pray to God thanking Him for being a faithful God and for all that He has and is already giving us. I did not ask Him to make me pregnant.
Unfortunately, I only made it to about 2 in the afternoon before I just had to eat. I was disappointed, but hadn't God already told me that I needed to wait?
I let the days pass and forgot that I had fasted, and even forgot about the prayer.
Then comes Monday night and the whole post before this.
I didn't even put it all together until Rachel made a big deal about the layout of this 'story'.
Wow. Now that's all I can say.
Isn't it amazing when you see God so clearly in your everyday life, and isn't it even more amazing when He so specifically and clearly answers a prayer?